The vows

I just do not know why I kept on deleting the words I typed just now. Too much to share with the rest of the world? Sometimes being secretive is good. I don't want to be naked and let the public watch my everything! Yet, sharing can help too. It eases the burden. Maybe it's all about moderation. Balance your life and don't let yourself being carried away.

This is not about politics! This is definitely not propaganda. I'm one of the many who don't want to think too much of the complexity of life or the world or the universe. I don't even like numbers! No wonder I prefer the latest gadgets which offer me the solutions to all problems. Let them be the assistants. I am neither brainless nor brain-dead.It's just that TODAY I just don't want to THINK too much coz thinking hurts! It's my nature to be over sensitive on certain issues. The more I think the more sensitive I'll be. So I need to protect myself! That's why I like being in my cocoon...

Just now I'd like to write about life & death but the issue is too solemn. Nay, Amida's World should be the world of happiness. It's not about ME! It's about US! So I made up my mind to calm myself, let myself be positive & write. Yeah, blogging in this world somehow helps me. It's a therapy to a patient like me.

Hey! It has nothing to do with my brain. I'm still sane. My sanity is still mine. It's just that today I'm physically not well & it somehow has affected me psychologically. I become slower, lazier and moodier. The dark aura seems to surround me & i really need something or someone to heal me...physically & mentally.

The doctor has given me enough medication for a few days. I think it's time I become selfish... think of me, not others. Yet I can't point my finger to others because it's my blunder! I should take good care of myself & mustn't depend too much on other people to help me out. That's why I MUST get well soon. It's all in my head! There are other people who suffer more than me. But they are STRONG! I repeat..THEY ARE STRONG! So I MUST BE STRONG TOO!

Please don't think that I'm terminally ill. Please.. the thought really scares me. I'm a healthy woman who needs to do some overhaul in life. I must be careful because I'm not as fit as before. Some changes in my life must be done before it's too late. Well, it's better now than never. I MUST NOT LET MYSELF BE TOO CARRIED AWAY!

Before i have the desire to delete this, I need to do something... publish it A.S.A.P. so that if i ever forget the vows, this post will remind me that I must never give in to my weak sides. Sometimes being sick is a blessing in disguise...(yelah tu). No one is perfect except ALLAH.

I rest myself....